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I Had a Dream

So I was talking on the phone with Maria Shriver who told me that Arnie told her that Tom Arnold told him that Rodney Peete told him that NFL Commission Rodger Goodell told him that there are just too many sucky teams in the NFL.

So, the NFL announced that any team with a record worse than 0-5, will be dropped from the NFL for the remainder of the year.  Instead, they will join a new league called ‘I Never Really Listened to my Mama” league in which they will play powder puff football with high school girls.  All proceeds from these games will be donated to worthy charities that sound really girly.  In addition, they must each turn in their man card and immediately and discontinue the use of all Gatorade products.  Finally, everyday at 3 pm sharp, they will be locked in a room and forced to watch the movie ‘Rudy’.  This will continue until the following quote can be recited on command…

“We’re gonna go inside, we’re gonna go outside, inside and outside. We’re gonna get ’em on the run boys and once we get ’em on the run we’re gonna keep ’em on the run. And then we’re gonna go go go go go go and we’re not gonna stop til we get across that goalline. This is a team they say is… is good, well I think we’re better than them. They can’t lick us, so what do you say men?”

The NFL has been experimenting with this program for some time.  Peyton Manning was the first voluntary participant after the 1998 Colts went 3-13.  The pilot program was conducted the summer prior to the 1999 season.  Peyton was allowed to bring his brother Eli because he said he was scared.  That very next season the Colts had an extraordinary season at 13-3.  When asked to endorse the program Peyton gave raving reviews.  “I would recommend this program to any player whose team is getting its butt kicked.  That high school girl’s team was no joke.  Now I am excited to be back in the NFL and to reclaim my man card.”

Wow… what a trippy dream…


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