Could Today Be The Day?

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Sports Columnist Bryan Burwell
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DETROIT — Halloween weekend is a particularly troubling time of the year in this rugged and depressed industrial city. For more than 20 years, the good civic-minded citizens of the Motor City have hit the streets on foot and on roller skates, on bicycles and small organized car patrols in hopes of averting the rather disturbing local holiday tradition.

Halloween arson fires.

Under the cover of night, packs of scoundrels annually roam the city streets setting fire to abandoned buildings and cars. No one has ever been able to figure out any rhyme or reason as to why this twisted Halloween ritual (they call it “Devil’s Night”) was started, but it has become a major civic embarrassment for this once-great city that is in a constant struggle to rediscover a hint of prestige.

And now this morning the city awakens from an anxious post-Devil’s Night slumber to a far more disturbing nightmare that could do Motown’s image even more harm:

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The Lions are playing the Rams at Ford Field.

Go ahead, cue the laugh track.

On the flight to Detroit early Saturday afternoon, surprisingly there were more than a handful of Rams fans on board, and everyone was talking about this being their winless team’s best shot at breaking the 17-game losing streak.

The most popular question in the aisle and window seats was this:

“This is the day, right?”

The conversations all began with this hopeful tone, but eventually eroded to a less confident lament.

“It’s gotta be the day, doesn’t it?”

Well not necessarily so. But this Stupor Bowl showdown does raise a few fascinating questions that beg for answers.

What happens when the really bad Lions (1-5, losers of 21 of their last 22 and still haunted by the shame of last season’s 0-16 debacle) do battle against your woefully unproductive Rams (0-7 and losers of 21 of their last 23)?

Some less optimistic football smart guys assume that this is the sort of unsightly game that will set the NFL back 10 years and make that gruesome Cleveland-Buffalo 6-3 game from three weeks ago look like a blockbuster action film.

Well I think that’s just crazy. First of all, Browns quarterback Derek Anderson completed only two passes in that eyesore. There’s no way that either Rams QB Marc Bulger or Lions rookie Matthew Stafford could be that bad, even if they were blindfolded.

But I have a theory. What happens if bad football isn’t at all like math, you know, can two negatives equal a positive?

I have a hunch that this is going to be one of those rare Sunday afternoons where weird karma collides and produces an honestly competitive and entertaining football game (Of course I say this now, but by halftime I might want to poke my eyes out with acupuncture needles to relieve the excruciating pain). The Lions have one of the worst secondaries in football (teams complete a stunning 74.2 percent of their passes against Detroit) and the Rams have one of the most unimposing group of receivers in the NFL (Can someone please get open? Please? Anyone?).

The Lions have one of the worst rushing defenses in the NFL (27th), and the Rams have one of the top backs in the league in Steven Jackson (second in NFL in yards from scrimmage).

The way I figure it, the Lions are exactly what the Rams need. As bad as their record is, the Rams have been fairly competitive for long stretches of most games. Their biggest problem is the NFL doesn’t have weight divisions. We already saw the worst of the Rams last week when they played up in class vs. the heavyweight Colts. But a week earlier, they went into overtime against another NFL flyweight and almost beat the Jacksonville Jaguars, and only lost to the sorry, no-account Washington Redskins by 9-7.

So maybe this is exactly what the Rams need. They have played hard all season long, but they simply didn’t stand a chance against the Packers, 49ers, Vikings or Colts, teams that actually have a chance at playing in the postseason, including a few legitimate Super Bowl contenders.

But now they are on the field with a true equal: a beat-down, talent-shy, depressed and rebuilding franchise that is just as woebegone as they are.

And I think that’s a good thing.

This is a team the Rams might actually be able to score against.

Oh please let it happen.